So I have been laughing at myself since late Sunday morning… I have been having an increase in “low moments” this past week, and I have been feeling very tired of all the sadness… Sunday morning was one of those times, and I had a lot of trouble getting up and getting the girls ready. I wanted to just curl up in my bed and cry and not face anybody. I didn’t feel like dealing with life as normal. I was at the point that I didn’t want everyone to act like there’s nothing wrong because that would be fake, but I also didn’t want to have to emotionally deal with anymore hugs, or looks, or questions…
But the thought of my church family motivated me enough to get around and I was a little late, but I was going. Everyone loaded into the car, including Bob and Noah, and the girls requested listening to Superchick. I laughed and wished the boys good luck, and turned it on to Nadia’s favorite song, “Anthem”. I was pretty tuned out, but the girls were having a blast and about halfway through the song I saw Nadia shredding it up on her “guitar”… I busted out laughing and asked who the drummer was, and Ruthie informed me quickly that it was her. We finished the song laughing and having a good time. However, Ruthie then requested “Beauty From Pain”, which put me right back into my head… Which is just a scary place to be ;)
We arrived at church just about 3/4 of the way through the song and I started unloading everyone while it finished… While I was getting Ruthie out the next song, “It’s On” came on. That was the beginning of me laughing at myself.
So, I can get a little feisty at times… usually when I feel like someone is telling me I can’t do something. I have been letting all the sadness get to my head, and have been feeling weaker and weaker as time has gone on, and as I heard the words to the song I realized that I was beginning to tell myself I couldn’t do it… Usually I post the songs separately but I really want you to take a minute to listen to this song before continuing, because otherwise I have to put about a dozen quotes in here… Ain’t nobody got time for that… ;)
So pretty perfect, right?!? I was standing there beside the car thinking, heck yes I can change the world still... I CAN continue in what Jake and I wanted to do, I DO have the will, I WON'T let myself be brought down, and I will "get up, go through and press on"! haha, I'm calling it my parking lot pep talk... Sounded a lot more motivating in my head with the music in the background :P
But all kidding aside, It may (does) sound cheesy, but I’m ok with it. It’s true… I turned to Ruthie and said “Can you say ‘challenge accepted’?” haha, she got distracted and never did, but saying it out loud to her was enough for me to believe it. So I know that there are going to be many times that I take my best shot, and still miss, but I’m ok with it because it’s all a part of the story that God is writing with my life and I say challenge accepted.
I told Bill today that I am operating as if Jake is gone on a really long trip, and someday he’ll be back and I want to live a life that I would be proud to tell him about… I want to be real myself, and continue in real communities. I want to love my family and raise them to know what it’s like to experience God in a personal way. And I want them to understand that that relationship should impact everyone around them.
I used to say “go team” to Jake any time we were going to do something… again, cheesy, but still gonna say it everyday.
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,2fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.